Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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