i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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