I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
