I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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