If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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