Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
