guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
