the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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