If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
