Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
