I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
