i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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