We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
