that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
