we have officially mastered the walk of shame
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
