I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
