I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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