you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
