I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
