I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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