maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
