somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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