I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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