this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
