i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
