my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
