I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
