i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
