this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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