I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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