she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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