You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
