She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The uberlube is also flammable
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
