its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
