I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
