ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
