Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
