And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
