I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
