I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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