So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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