Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
