Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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