a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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