Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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