i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize