I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
