Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
