I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
