I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
