it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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