So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
