i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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