yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
