hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
