I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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