a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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