I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
