Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
