i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
