It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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