Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need a burrito and a hug.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Enjoy the penises
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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