my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
