when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
