i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
