I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
