I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
