So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
