Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
